DontBelieve

WHAT IF I DON'T BELIEVE; FAKE IT?
WashingtonDispatch.com 2004
Copyright Steve Pomper, 2004

What if I don't believe? Religion is a tricky subject. For some believers this proposition makes them
shudder and shrink back, preferring not to be too close to the pyrotechnics about to pour down from
paradise.
I was raised Catholic and attended parochial school for seven years; guilt and petty violence were the
primary motivators used to ensure my belief in God. Believe, or else Sister Mary would belt the belief into
me with her whiffle-ball bat.
Some people say that they believe, others say that they don't, and still others say that they might believe.
But people rarely say that they don't believe, but would like to.
I'm not an atheist, although that philosophy fascinates me. My faith in humanity is strengthened by the
idea that there are those who live a moral life without the promise of some hellish fate, or heavenly reward.
I'm not sure that the traditionally religious among us trust people like that. They see atheists as
anti-religious, when they are more properly a-religious. Many theists have a notion that atheists secretly
acknowledge God, but choose to reject him. They should understand that for atheists there is no God to
reject.
I count myself in the category of one who doesn't believe in God or Heaven, but might like to. It's not
completely accurate to say that I don't believe in God, but I don't believe in any construction of God, of
which I am aware, with which I feel kinship.
Perhaps I'm closer to agnostic, but that doesn't precisely describe me either, because I do believe in the
co-existence of a meta-physical or spiritual realm. I believe that there is something out there, some
universal web of energy, but I'm not sure what it is, and I'm not afraid to say so.
What does a religious person say to someone like me? I once watched a movie; I can't remember its name,
in which a Catholic priest is speaking with his bishop. The priest says, "I'm not sure if I still believe in God.
What should I do?"
The bishop pauses for a moment strokes his chin and then says, "Fake it."
It sounds flip, but for a Father Ryan perhaps it's practical advice. But what about for someone like me who
doesn't rely on a church for my sustenance? Should I fake it? I want to believe, but it just doesn't make
sense to me.
When I was a kid the priests and nuns made us read the Bible, a wonderful book in many ways. However,
as my interest compelled me to study other religions, philosophies, and mythologies, I began to question
why other religions were deemed wrong, why ancient religions were considered myth, but Catholicism was
taught as fact.I see and feel no difference between biblical allegory and that from Greek, Norse, or other
mythologies, although I do acknowledge differences between religious tenets of faith; all religious footsteps
do not flow to the same God.
I love my wife and my children very much. The idea of spending my eternity with them after I die is
immensely appealing. Dying would be less frightening indeed, but should I pretend that I believe that a God
is in his Heaven waiting for me, and hope for the best?
For some traditionally religious folks, simply living a responsible, moral, and ethical life isn't good enough.
They feel that everyone must adhere to their specific interpretation of faith, in order to qualify for the grand
prize. This concept is as abhorrent as it is audacious.
Believers who follow a specific dogma, but don't maintain that others must follow the same path to glory,
strengthen my faith. No occupation, avocation, hobby, or activity is right for every human being; why
should religious belief be any different?
I tend to be libertarian, but list a tad conservative. Religious belief often separates me from a significant
portion of my conservative brethren. I admire the fact that the Judeo-Christian philosophy has helped to
foster democracy in the world, and has contributed greatly to the success of our own American republic.
However, I also feel that certain facets of fundamentalist religious belief may be destructive, and some
facets simply don't make sense to me.
So, what if I don't believe? Not that I have rejected God, but when I search myself I don't find him in the
sense that so many say that I should. Am I destined for damnation for being honest, a fire and brimstone
condo with an eternal lease, or if I do fake it, will St. Peter be fooled and swing open those pearly gates if I
show up?

STEVE POMPER

AUTHOR

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